I called my friend, Chris. I showed her the shrunken felted mess and we had a memorial stout to help ease the blow. Then my friend Chris, who is a very petite gal and at least 6 sizes smaller than me, pulled the sweater over her head and walked out the door. Yep, that's right, the sweater shrunk to fit her size small frame vs. my large frame. I chalked it up to kharma and knitterly cockiness. I shouldn't have been knitting that selfishly on a sweater. I gave myself some time to digest the problems and recommitted to doing it again. I started it sometime in July and finished it in August. Meet Boatneck Bluebell versions 1.0 and 2.0 (unfelted).
I'm officially a dumbass. Any questions?